September 11, 2015

Being Strong When you have No Choice

 * not a happy post* 

It’s been three months that I’ve been going to the hospital for the my phototherapy and check-up. Honestly, I don’t like going to the hospital, I’m so dead tired. 

But still I push myself to go hoping that my psoriasis will clear. I already finished 23 sessions and still counting. I feel so depress because I cannot see any improvement. I feel that we are just wasting money in my therapy and topical medication. I feel so hopeless that I will be ok without taking oral medication. 

I posted here before that I stopped taking oral medication and I know that I may be flare up again but I’m not expecting that it will be worst than ever. I tried other natural remedies but still nothing happened. 

I’m trying to live a normal life because I have a son and husband who need me. I need to do chores, I need to tutor my son, I need to go out and do errands. I need to do my role as a wife and mother. 

But I won’t deny that there are times that I just want to be alone, I want to lock myself in the room and never go out anymore because I don’t feel good at myself. I don’t want to see my skin anymore. 

Everyday, my skin is so itchy from head to toe and painful after treatment. I feel so low and weak and I think I’m not strong enough to deal with my skin condition. 

There are times that I wish that I go back to my past. I want to have my skin back. I can wear any clothes that I want. I can enjoy beach and swimming pools. I can to do the things that women normally do such as go to salon, go to facial, have massage and so on. I just want a NORMAL more hiding....

How to be strong when you have no choice? I want to give up. I don’t know how to be strong anymore but I know I have no choice but to FIGHT, HOPE and HAVE FAITH that there is nothing impossible. That time will come that I will be ok. 

I do pray that God will provide our needs. I just hope that I will have the patience to wait and I just hope that I have the strength to go on. I hope that time will come that there will be cure for psoriasis.


  1. Never give love and prayers for you💜

  2. Don't give up, pray and be strong Sis. I truly feel you while reading your post. Just continue the therapy and medication. Prayers for you, Sis

  3. Continue being strong Michi. It may help if you read on positive quotes or uplifting stories about people who never gave up on life. I am now into running and have read stories of runners who are blind, who had both legs amputated due to an accident and been joining races within crunches, triathletes who lost both legs and an arm yet that did not stop him from competing and finishing a triathlon.

    Ask your doctor if joining a Yoga class will be okay. There are low impact Yoga classes for beginners. I suggested it because it will be your mind and focus that will work most plus you can do it everyday even at the confines of your home. It will also deviate your mind from feeling the pain of what ever you are going through.

    Prayers sent your way.

    1. Thanks. Yes, I should read more inspiring stories that there is more reason to live and be happy. I hope I can try yoga. :)

  4. Oh my God, i'm sorry about your medical condition sis. I hope you'll get well very very soon. Stay strong for yourself and your family!

  5. You've been through a lot, you've been in this low before, but you always got through it. You will feel better soon. Always think of happy thoughts, living a normal life will always be a choice, so choose to live a normal life, you have a very loving husband and a very sweet kiddo, they'll love you no matter what. And lastly, God watches over you, He'll not give you this challenge if He knows you can't handle. Be strong momma michi. Hugs for you my dear!