* not a happy post*
It’s been three months that I’ve been going to the hospital for the my phototherapy and check-up. Honestly, I don’t like going to the hospital, I’m so dead tired.
But still I push myself to go hoping that my psoriasis will clear. I already finished 23 sessions and still counting. I feel so depress because I cannot see any improvement. I feel that we are just wasting money in my therapy and topical medication. I feel so hopeless that I will be ok without taking oral medication.
I posted here before that I stopped taking oral medication and I know that I may be flare up again but I’m not expecting that it will be worst than ever. I tried other natural remedies but still nothing happened.
I’m trying to live a normal life because I have a son and husband who need me. I need to do chores, I need to tutor my son, I need to go out and do errands. I need to do my role as a wife and mother.
But I won’t deny that there are times that I just want to be alone, I want to lock myself in the room and never go out anymore because I don’t feel good at myself. I don’t want to see my skin anymore.
Everyday, my skin is so itchy from head to toe and painful after treatment. I feel so low and weak and I think I’m not strong enough to deal with my skin condition.
There are times that I wish that I go back to my past. I want to have my skin back. I can wear any clothes that I want. I can enjoy beach and swimming pools. I can to do the things that women normally do such as go to salon, go to facial, have massage and so on. I just want a NORMAL LIFE...no more hiding....
How to be strong when you have no choice? I want to give up. I don’t know how to be strong anymore but I know I have no choice but to FIGHT, HOPE and HAVE FAITH that there is nothing impossible. That time will come that I will be ok.
I do pray that God will provide our needs. I just hope that I will have the patience to wait and I just hope that I have the strength to go on. I hope that time will come that there will be cure for psoriasis.