September 22, 2013

When Will This Stop?

Note: Not a happy post.

For 31 years of my life, I always try to be strong to solve my problems, to fight my own battles and to face challenges of life. But this week, I feel so low, every day I feel so depress and stress. It is not a secret here that I have psoriasis since I was 20 years old but this week I experienced the severe case of psoriasis. This is the worst case that I have experienced for 11 years of having this skin condition.

I won’t be a hypocrite because I’ve asked God so many times, why me? Why Do I have to experience this? What did I do to deserve this? And when will this stop? Honestly, I’m so tired, I’m so stressed, I’m so depressed and I’m about to give up.

I feel that I’m just existing but not living the normal life. The physical, emotional and financial stress is already too much and I don’t know if I can still hold on. I started my phototherapy last Sept 14 but I feel that I’m just wasting money because I can’t see the improvement yet and like I said it’s getting worst.

I went to my doctor yesterday and she was also shocked because she saw me last Sunday and I was still fine, I can still cover my lesions but now even longsleeves  and pants can’t cover it because I have it on my neck, feet and hands and few on my faces. I really prayed that God would spare my face.

I’m so tired visiting hospitals, just like yesterday we went to Victoria, Laguna to visit my grandmother as early as 5AM because I have to be in Asian hospital for my son’s check-up and for my phototherapy at 9AM. Then we transferred to Alabang Medical because my dermatology was there every Saturday. After that, we went to Healthway Clinic for my lab test because it is cheaper.

Dealing with this skin condition is so time-consuming, I really want a normal life. I accepted the fact that I will have this for the rest of my life but I’m praying I will experience remission or at least mild psoriasis just like when I’m not a mother.

My only consolation is, my family loves me. They are always there to support and accompany me every check-up, even though I know na napapagod na din anak ko just like yesterday, he kept on saying “let’s go home”. Napagod na siguro sa biyahe and pila sa hospital. Kung ako lang, I wanted to lock myself at home until I’m ok but I can’t because my son needs me, I need to accompany him in school and I need to go to hospital thrice a week.

I’m trying to be strong because I know my husband and son need me. I’m trying to believe that I’ll be ok after therapy. I’m trying to understand that there’s a reason for everything. I’m trying to hold on!

“O God, when I lose hope because my plans have come to nothing. Then help me to remember that your love is always greater than my disappointments and your plans for my life are always better than my dreams.”


  1. Sorry to hear about your situation. But you really need siguro expose mo sarili mo, I mean skin mo sa araw. Yon ang gamot nila sa psoriasis dito.
    Praying for you. Be patient and hold on.

  2. Oh dear michi, very sorry to hear about this. Please hold on, as what you said, manong ariel and ethan need you, get the strength from them. They love you so much no matter what... Let's believe in the power of prayers, just don't give up, ok? Hugs!

  3. Iba iba lang tau ng level ng frustrations.. isipin mu na lang na better pa din yan kesa sa iba... just hang on and pray.. that's the best thing that we can do!

  4. I want to share this to you mam, I hope may pag-asa pang gumaling ang psoriasis mo,.
    "I suffered from a skin condition named Psoriasis for 11 years. During this time, I went to countless doctors to find a cure or ease the symptoms of the disease. I spent a lot of money; I also had to bear the shame of having such an unsightly complexion, causing a strain in my social life. I had been told, time and again, that it was an incurable disease; but I did not lose hope. I started taking Royale Grapeseed and L-Gluta Power 700 capsule and after two months, my skin gradually improved; it became smoother and whiter. No more bouts of skin flare ups. After a while, the psoriasis was gone.

    I am now starting a new life. I feel like a new person. Thanks to Royale!"
    -Ma. Theresa Balino, 41, Housewife

    Sana po makatulong.

  5. *Virtual hug* for you sis, Be strong. You have your family,and yes they need you. so just keep your faith to God and I know, he is listening at you. Why don't you try barley sis..?

  6. Sis you might want to try natural medicine. Meron kasi kami pinakikinggan na radio program sa 92.3 News FM, it's Healing Galing. They are offering natural medicine. You might want to check the details about it here: Un healing oil sis is very effective :). Praying for your fast recovery sis :)

  7. Cyber hugs to you sissy. I am sure none of my words can console you but you will be in my prayers. Please try not to think too much because overthinking and stress will just make it worst. Please stay strong and healthy. **hugs**

  8. I'm sorry for this michi. I can feel your pain. I have the most weird skin allergies and it just pops out anytime at the most weird moments. I just hope that everything will work out fine for you. Just be strong and I'm sure your family is there to support you all the way...

  9. virtual hug for you, michi. Lets continue praying that everything will pass.

  10. It's going to be alright. Take it one step at a time. Everything gets better. Don't worry.