Monday, April 16, 2012

Things You Should Never Say To A Stay at Home mom



We had a college reunion last weekend, I suggested Sambokojin but they wanted Dads, Saisaki and Kamayan so I give in. Meeting time is 11:30 and I was there 11:45am, it was really my plan not to be on time because my friends are always late and as expected they came past 12:30nn.  They suggested the venue and time but they did not make any reservation so I was really disappointed because all I thought there’s already a reservation since it’s weekend. So imagine our waiting time just to be seated. We left the house at 9:30am so we’re really hungry.

When my friends came, I asked one of my friends why she did not make any reservation and she said, “busy ako noh, bakit hindi ikaw? wala ka naman ginagawa at nasa bahay ka lang buong araw”. I did not say a word because I choose my own battles but deep inside, I was deeply hurt, it is like a slap into my face that I’m very unproductive. Yes, I am a full time mom but it doesn’t mean that I have so much free time. It doesn’t mean that I’m not doing anything. Full time mom is also a busy individual, I’m not just watching tv, eating, sleeping or checking facebook, I have my own work too, it may not be in corporate world but still I work. I won’t resign on my part time job if I have so much free time. I have neither yaya nor helper and I’m doing my best to manage my time so I can finish my chores and just to have my own “me time”. If I was the one who organize the reunion, I will definitely make a reservation even it’s a long distance call.

photo from google image

So please, if you have a friend or you know someone who is a full time mom, be careful with your words. Here are some things you should never say to a stay at home mom: I’ve read this last month at mommy fleur’s blog.

1. When the kids are older, do you think you'll get a real job?

2. How June Cleaver of you!

3. Oh, so you don't work?

4. Since you have extra time on your hands, could you whip up a few dozen brownies for the bake sale tomorrow?

5. All day with your kids? I can't even imagine.

6. I'm jealous. I wish my husband were rich so I wouldn't have to work either.

7. What do you do all day, anyway?

8. I'm sure you're not the only one who's ever wasted money on a college degree.

9. That explains why your son is so clingy!

10. Weird. I assumed your house would be superclean.

-Candy Kirby of thelaughingstork.com, with help from her Twitter followers and friends



45 comments:

  1. ur friends are sooooooo kakaloka! hope i dont get the same experience when i meet up with my college friends soon..

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    1. good luck sis! sana di mo maexperience. =)

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  2. i am a working mom but honestly i am a SAHM wannabe! i want to be a hands-on mom. i want to be with my son in his every milestone. i salute SAHMs like you :)

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    1. thanks sis! in time sis magiging SAHM ka rin. =)

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  3. i agree with you sis. i am a working mom, but just to compare un sa bahay at sa work, mas pagod pa ako sa bahay. pag nanay ka, you need to wake up early to prepare the breakfast, after nila kumain, ligpit, hugas at linis. syempre when you have a kid around, you cannot just sit there and watch tv or sleep kasi kelangan mo sya bantayan, attend to his needs, feed him, teach and play with him, etc. basta mas pagod ako pag nasa bahay although i cannot deny that despite all of that i just love being at home.

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    1. so true. mas stress ako ngayon compared nung nagwowork pa ko.

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  4. some people can be very tactless. You did so right not getting into your friend's level of insensibility. You'll never win against this people because they won't even try to consider putting themselves into your shoes - narrowminded, you know? Anyways, we all know that being SAHM does not mean walking under the moonlight, it doesn't mean we have all the extra time in the world so if other people refuse to see that, bahala sila sa buhay nila diba? :)

    Spanish Pinay

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    1. wala din patutunguhan kasi kung papatulan ko pa siya and reunion nga namin yun ayokong magkaroon pa ng eksena. =)

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  5. I wonder if that friend of yours have kids of her own. :/

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    1. that's probably why. but actually, some single people aren't as tactless as she is.

      i'm a SAHM but will be working soon. I find it impolite when women say they want to have a rich husband because they want to stay at home. My husband is not rich, we made a decision that I will be hands on with our daughter. I hope people get to understand that some mothers would want to devote time to their children, but that doesn't mean they have lots of time to spare just because they are SAHM.

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    2. i hate that too and lalo na yung "ang sarap naman ng buhay mo". we're not rich too, we just live within our means.

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  6. That was very insensitive of your friend...I have seen how my mom was always up early in the morning and still doing things before bed time...and imagine doing that with no real pay but to take care of kids so they grow up to be assets to society... 24/7 kaya ang full time mom. Somebody ought to open her eyes to that kind of reality.

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    1. i hope they could see the other side para hindi sila magjudge agad.

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  7. Some people don't think before they speak, just brush it off. Also, they don't understand what staying at home entails! I always say that I find it easier to manage people and a corporate life compared to kids who don't always follow you! :) It's not easy.

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    1. i agree, it's really difficult to handle kids lalo na toddlers. hay, kahit paulit-ulit mo pa sabihin, they don't care, listen and follow.

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  8. Buti nlng your fork didn't find its way to your friend's eyeball. It happened to me a few times that's why since then, I chose to go out with SAHM friends with kids. Some people are just really tactless. Once she gets to have her own kid and decides to be a SAHM, too, try telling her, "wala ka naman ginagawa at nasa bahay ka lang buong araw, diba?" and watch her mood transforms.
    Smile kna, sis :)

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    1. sis, hindi pa kasi kami kumakain e kaya wala pa ko hawak na fork. hehe! parang after that nga, naisip ko na sa SAHM na nga rin ko sumama. =)

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  9. oh oh... i'm still single but my ever dream is to become a housewife to take care of my future family especially the kids. I may not know the household chores now, but someday I will... I salute those mommies who gave up their career life for their families. So, don't ever mind your insensitive friend. tsk tsk tsk!

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    1. thanks mel! i'm sure you'll be a good mom. =)

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  10. wow that was incredibly un-classy, unethical, and demeaning for your friend to say. What a heartless insensitive friend. :[

    Being a stay at home mom is not easy!!! Not that I am a mother or a wife but I can see what my mom does. :( sorry to know about this sis.

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    1. thanks for dropping by and appreciating SAHM. =)

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  11. Hindi ito about pagiging stay at home mom or not. This is about keeping commitments. If they said they'll be there by 11:30, they shouldve been there at 11:30. Kung hindi nila kaya, sana man lang hindi ganun ka-late. Hindi excuse ang busy.

    Dapat igalang ang oras ng iba. Pano kung may appointment ka pa na iba?

    I remember a friend na pinipilit ako mag-meet kami last holiday season without consulting me kung ano ang free time ko. Kesho yun lang yung time nya, and busy daw sya, tapos mega tampo. E meron akong prior commitments. Yang pagiging busy na yan. It's never an excuse. and it's never right to compare your business sa business ng ibang tao.

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    1. speaking of time, i will create a post about this. i observe that people don't respect other's time. i've experienced this several times...tsk tsk tsk...

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  12. it is all about time management. being busy is now loosely used as an excuse to be late. working hard and working smart are two different things. kudos to you for letting the snide remark pass.

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    1. yes, i agree. all we need is time management and being busy is not a valid excuse.

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  13. Wow, your friend is a little insensitive. Anyway, even if I don't have kids yet, I won't ever say those things to a full-time mom. Being one is not equated to being bum anyway. I can't imagine the chores, the budgeting and the parenting a stay-at-home mom needs to do on top of having a part-time job.

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  14. Thank you guys for all the comments, I’m glad to know that there are still people like you who have high respect to all full time moms. =)

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  15. gusto ko nga sa bahay lang...

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    1. naging SAHM ka rin naman kahit papano.

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  16. I feel for you. Even if I'm not a housewife, my work is at home and people see me as a "professional tambay" which sometimes increases my level of depression. What can I do? I can't work as a nurse so I should find a way to earn a living for myself. But other people can't understand our situation who stay at home. Feeling nila paupo upo lang tayo but on top of my mind, I should be the one laughing at the 'coz I get to earn dollars kahit nasa house lang. =)

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    1. true, baka mas malaki pa kita mo sa kanila. =D

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  17. Ang hirap maging SAHM. Mother ko nga apat pa kami and ngayon na mommy na din ako, auper naging proud ako sa kanya.

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    1. yes, sis! mas naappreciate natin mom natin pag may anak na rin tayo kasi kita at ramdam natin yung hirap at pagod ng pag-aalaga. =)

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  18. that was insensitive of your friend indeed..hindi nya lang alam kung paano natin hinahati-hati yung oras nating mga SAHM to also have time for ourselves..

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    1. minsan nga kulang pa 24hrs para magawa lahat.

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  19. Very rude of your friend! Unfriend na yan. But seriously, being a stay-at-home mom is tough. I've been at it for a few months pa lang pero II could never imagine work to be this hard. I was an HR Supervisor pa that time a and also studying for masters at the same time. Nothing is as tough as being a mom. Very uncaring of your "friend." =(

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    1. natawa ko dun, i-unfriend ko na. hehe!

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  20. I agree with the comments here. That was rude and insensitive. Besides, if she organized that thing, then sya talaga ang may responsibility to make the reservation.

    Anyway, on a lighter, I gave you an award, check it out here: http://beforeiturn25.blogspot.com/2012/04/awards-night.html

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  21. late na, insensitive pa? cheers to you michi!

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  22. being a stay at home mom is my personal choice. i consider myself lucky because i have the privilege of choosing of being one, rather than me working because necessity calls for it.

    i have come to realize that being a SAHM demands a different level of confidence. we will always hear people say tactless comments. i charge it to them knowing less, way way less than they're supposed to know. duh! i consider myself smarter than most working women - and men, for that matter. let anyone try to destroy that confidence... they'll see! lol.

    cheers to you, Michi!

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    1. so true. we're lucky that we have a choice and being SAHM doesn't mean we are stupid. =) thanks.

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