February 20, 2019

The Day that God Called you Home

For the last few days, I was having a hard time sleeping at night. It started when I had nightmares for two consecutive nights and I can’t explain it but it makes me so scared. So since then, I’m sleeping with lights on even though my son was complaining. I just always tell him, he has a choice, he can sleep in his room but he still chose to sleep beside me.

Then yesterday, I was shocked when my sister messaged me that my grandmother passed away already. I have no idea that her 80th birthday would be the last time that I will see her. Although it is hard to accept, we know that we could not make her stay. She was more than just a grandmother to me because she raised me since I was 10 years old.

Yes, I grew up with my grandmother since I was ten years old so we’ve been together for a very long time. Even when I had my own family, we always visit her every month when she still lives in Victoria, Laguna. It was our regular routine from 2008 till 2015 and we always accompany her in the grocery. The time came that she doesn’t want to go to grocery anymore because she was having a hard time walking so she just gave a list and I will buy it for her.

I witnessed how hard for her to move in the kitchen so whenever we visit, I always tell her not to prepare any meals. Even though I miss her food, nakakamiss yung mga ginataan na luto niya, yung pansit pag may occasion and yung ube halaya pag Pasko. I can’t really remember the exact time na nakita ko na nginginig kamay niya, feeling niya pasmado lang. The doctor prescribed her medicine pero lagi niya sinasabi, wala naman nangayayari kahit inumin niya.

September 2015 came, my grandmother was rushed to the nearest hospital and after that, my mom’s siblings decided to transfer my grandmother to my aunt’s place. My grandmother doesn’t want to live with her daughters, mas gusto talaga niya na may sarili siyang place kahit ang layo ng Victoria, Laguna sa amin.

But she has no choice, the caregiver informed my aunt na hindi na rin niya kaya mag-isa mag-alaga and the doctor also advised them na mas okay talaga sa family tumira. And because of that, our regular monthly visits stopped. I just visit my grandmother if my mom was here for vacation, during birthdays and before Christmas.

My grandmother has Parkinson’s Disease so yun pala reason kung bakit from time to time nanginginig kamay niya dati. She was having a hard time to control her hands and then the time came that she can’t stand, sit or walk on her own. It pains me to see my grandmother like that, yung nag-aalaga at nag-aasikaso sa amin dati, suddenly biglang nagkaganoon.

But my grandmother is a fighter, ilang beses din siya nahospital after 2015 incident but she always survived. Parkinson’s Disease has no cure, medicines and therapy may help but you cannot predict how fast or how slow it will get worse. So as the years go by, the disease progress and yesterday, God called her home.

I don't know who is the author of this poem.
To my lola, even though we have our own differences when I was growing up. Even though you are not affectionate nor expressive. I know deep inside you really care. I might not say it but I’m blessed having a grandmother like you. I’m forever grateful to you, for taking care of us, for the sacrifices you’ve done and for all the times that you were there. As you close your eyes in rest, may all your pain be lost forever. You are now in a better place lola. We love you and we will miss you.

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